I’m rubber, you’re glue...

What do you do when someone, a stranger, makes a comment about your parenting? The first reaction from the moms in my son’s playgroup was to tell the person, “Mind your own f-ing business.”

But in an era when we are all neurotic about out parenting, it isn’t that simple. My friend Naomi and another mom were just finishing their lunch at the Nordstrom Cafe Bistro in the Westfield San Francisco Centre recently when her 4-year-old son and his two friends started running around the casual cafe screaming.

“Control your children,” came the sharp rebuke from a woman, sending Naomi into a tailspin. She was horrified by the remark and did not know what to say. She was conflicted herself about her son’s behavior. She said it was like she was in a cartoon with two balloons over her head: One saying, “Who cares what they say, I’m a good mom. What is wrong with them?!”, the other saying, “Maybe they are right, maybe I am a terrible mom. Maybe I need to change what I do.”

I still regret not seriously telling off a man who made a comment to me about my letting my 5-year-old son pick “treats” off the shelves as we shopped in Whole Foods last year. I was hugely pregnant and terribly sick from around the clock “morning sickness.” My husband was at work late that evening and I absolutely had to go grocery shopping after I got home from work because we had nothing in the house for that night or for school lunch the next day. I dragged myself off of the couch and threw up into the kitchen garbage can to drive 15 minutes to the store. When we got there, I paused every aisle or so to dry heave. It was dinner time so it was no wonder that my son was hungry and I had no energy to fight when he pulled things off the shelves. So yes, I let him have a few snacks. But that meant dried veggie sticks, organic yogurt tubes and a fruit leather strip. Afterall, we were at Whole Foods. It wasn’t like he was picking candy off the shelves. As we were leaving, some guy getting into a sports car (meaning he either had no kids or had a mid-life crisis and had left his family) made a snide remark about my son’s “dinner.”

Of course it doesn’t matter and I’m sure the guy forgot it before he was out of the parking lot. But it just eats at me that I let someone treat me that way, that I let him question my parenting.

The problem is that we let these people feed into our insecurities about our parenting. We all want to give our kids healthy, unprocessed foods at every meal. But you know what, I’m not always up to cooking and more than I’d like I reach for the frozen foods or a box of macaroni and cheese (the good kind of course). And of course I hate to use the television as a babysitter. But sometimes I have to in order to get work done or to clean the house or feed the baby. So we need to let go and be secure knowing that we are good parents, no matter what strangers say!

Please tell us your stories of strangers’ comments and your responses.
 

Comments

[Danielle Gutherie]

Funny. The day after we posted this, I was scolded by an older gentleman at the park...

"How old is your son?"
"three" (he's a big and agile 3!)
"You shouldn't let him climb the playground equipment by himself. He could get hurt. You really need to watch him better."

Something NOT NICE was on the tippity tip of my tongue, especially since that was the 8th time I got him down from that particular piece of equipment and I left him to go help my other son with his shoelace. Nevermind that I was there will FIVE other mom's and we all take care of each other's kids. And the man was sitting there the whole time and saw me do so.

But instead of the F word, I simply said "hmm, thanks." Walked away, and immediately told my friends. Which then sparked a 25+ minute bitch session where we all shared our stories.

Ahh well. Such is life.

Worth admitting though, my refraining from saying something to the man was NOT because I felt he was not out of line. He was. But because in an effort to tame my stress, I decided to "walk it off", as my husband would say.

[Una]

What is it about Wholefoods? When my son was about 6 months old, we went shopping there. After I pushed his stroller into the elevator, a middle aged man berated me for leaving my son in the stroller while getting into the elevator. He told me that it was illegal and I should have taken him out of the stroller in case the door closed as I pushed him in.

Obviously he hadn't much experience of pushing babies around all day or he would know that if they're content or asleep, you leave them in the stroller. Besides, I was probably more likely to injure my son while juggling him and the stroller and trying to get into the elevator before the door closed.

Then, of course, I was stuck in the elevator thinking of a way to get out without incurring this man's wrath! In the end, I just ran out. It still makes me mad that I didn't chew him out!